How I found my personal testimony

A new follower messaged me asking me for my conversion story.

Well first of all, I’m not a convert. I was born into the church. In the words of Nicki Minaj, “I’m not lucky, I’m blessed, yes.” But in all seriousness, I look at converts, especially now-a-days, and I am in utter awe. I cannot imagine the strength it takes to turn away from things that have been the norm your whole life for something completely different. I can promise you that this new life, is beautiful. Props to all of you converts out there, I truly look up to you and hope you know your testimonies strengthen mine so much.

I also want to make a point that almost every member that was born into the church comes to a point in their life where they doubt their beliefs and when their parent’s testimonies just aren’t enough for them. I’m one of those people.

I came to a point in High School where I needed to find out the truth for myself. I was doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing and I was spending my time around people who pushed the Spirit completely out of my life and the thing is, I did it knowing that, that was what was happening. My Dad became inactive and that was the biggest reason I lost my way and because of that, I lost myself. It came to the point where I was so extremely depressed I knew the only person to be able to guide and lead me back to find myself was God.
After almost two years of being unsure about who I was and how strong my testimony was, I went to church girl’s camp. The last day was testimony meeting and the leaders planned a special surprise. I was among one of the older girls to be at the camp so a lot of the younger girls looked at me as an older sister and stayed close by my side. Once it was dark out the leaders split us up into groups. They led us to the woods where there was a rope. The only instructions they gave us was, “Whatever you do, don’t let go of the rope and don’t stop walking.”

We were all confused as we silently walked through the pitch black woods and the only sounds we could hear were the person a few feet ahead of us, footsteps. After a couple of minutes we heard shouting and yells and people beckoning us. They were saying things like, “C’mon just do it once.” “You’re such a loser, maybe if you do this people will actually like you.” “Did you see what she was wearing? Jeez can you dress anymore like a bum?” “No one is going to find out, only we’ll know!” At first they were far away, and it startled me so I clung unto the rope harder and kept walking. The further I walked, the louder and closer these voices were. After ten minutes of walking, I could recognize the voices. They were my leaders, my peers, people I loved. They all were tempting me and trying to pull me off of a rope that was guiding me to a place that I wasn’t sure where it was leading me, but I knew I needed to keep going. I felt one of the young girls slip her hand into min as she whispered, “I’m scared Hannah.” I didn’t miss a beat as I said, “Keep holding my hand and the rope with your other hand and have faith. We are safe.”

I want to describe to you the image I had once we got to the end of the rope.
At first, I noticed a small light through the thick trees but I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. It felt like we were walking for hours with tempting beckons that towards the end got harder and harder to ignore. I thought at times, “This is taking so long, what’s the point?” Well, as I kept walking towards that small light, it grew larger and larger until it was absolutely overwhelming.

We came to a tree decorated in hundreds of strands of white Christmas lights, representing the Tree of Life. Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized this was an answer to my prayers. This was God’s way of showing me, no matter who tells me to let go of the iron rod and follow society’s norm, to keep strong and whatever I do, “Don’t let go of the rod and keep walking.”

 I drove out to Palmyra today with a few of my friends that I have been super close friends with in my Stake. Unfortunately it rained all day, which really stinks but over all it was a great time. There are a lot more pictures uploaded on my Facebook of the little trip too! 


I love driving out there, which is only an hour and a half away which I have promised myself today that every two weeks I'm going to make a trip out to Palmyra to visit the sites. I've realize how amazing it is to be able to visit and hear something different every time. I remember in Testimony meeting last Sunday at the YSA branch, a lot of people were talking about how our testimony strengthens when we hear other people's testimonies. I know for myself, that is so true. Hearing Sister Vaterlaus talk to us while giving us a tour, really reminded myself of me. I really could connect with her and relate to her.

It's absolutely amazing to know that such miraculous things happened so close to where I live and I need to take advantage of that. I am so very blessed.

Driving home today was really hard for me for some reason. I felt really alone and extremely sad. I still feel that way, to be honest. For some reason, I just really want and feel the need to be around missionaries as much as I can. I think it's because in my area and branch there aren't a lot of girls and guys my age that I feel like I can really connect with and have the same interests as and also share the love of the gospel. I really can't wait for him to get off of his mission. He is everything I have dreamed about and this is going to be so extremely hard not being able to talk to see him, but I know the Lord needs him right now and that I have my whole life ahead of me to be with him. 


It seems that the only way I can get through my week is to be able to know that there is a church activity coming up or something like that. I'm trying my hardest to keep my head up lately and I know with the power of a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, I can do anything.

Today, on my way home from class, I was singing along to a song that came on when I saw a little boy on the side of the road with a lemonade stand. He was holding up a sign that said "LEMONADE: 35 cents CHIPS: 50 cents." I saw that his dad was leaning against the car behind him. I didn't really think anything of it and kept driving and then after a few seconds, I just got this urge to buy some lemonade from this little boy.

When I pulled up, he lit up right away and practically ran to my car until his dad told him to wait by the table for me to come up. I took two dollars out of my wallet and handed it to the boy and he asked me, "So how many glasses of lemonade are you getting?" I laughed a little and I said, "Just one will do! You can keep the change." He looked up at his dad who smiled as he poured me some lemonade, which was delicious by the way. His dad told me he was saving up for a video game and the day before he made $25.

This boy couldn't be more than eight and he was sitting out in the beating hot sun for hours just so he could have a video game. It's funny how as we get older then things that used to be important to us, change into something that really isn't something on the top of our priorities to have. Nevertheless, at that time, it's important and it's nice to see his father was encouraging his son to go out and earn his money, in return he will appreciate the video game more than he would if his parents just bought it for him.

There is something that really touches my heart when I see a father bonding with his son in public. Like the father and son I just talked about, the father is teaching his son a lesson whether he realizes it or not. As I kept driving on my way home from class, I saw a father playing street hockey with his son all in goalie pads in their driveway. It reminded me of a father and son that my dad told me about when our family went camping a couple years back.

My dad and I went to the camp's public showers one morning we were out at Allegheny and we met up afterwards and we got in the car, my dad was a little quiet. I asked him what was on his mind and he said that he saw something extremely touching. He said their was a Russian man with his son who was mentally challenged. He said, his son was having a hard time and his son was frustrated and was causing a bit of a scene. But, the father never once lost his patience. He kept a warm smile on his face while calmly speaking Russian to his son which in return calmed his son down. He said even while he was helping his son shower, he was singing softly to his son in Russian to keep him calm. My dad said how that's the type of father he strives to be. One that will keep calm in what could be a stressful situation with his child, no matter what.

I find it so important for the man I want to marry, to be calm tempered when it comes to kids, even if they are making a scene. I know I have a temper sometimes which of course is natural, we are human. But I feel we can make any situation into a learning situation for a child if we watch our temper.

You Always Make Me Smile- Kyle Andrews

Whenever this song comes on, I think of you. You are so worth the wait.

Ever since I moved here from Texas, Bre'an has always been my best friend. From girl's camp, church activities, young women's, gospel doctrine, and all the many lessons we've taught together, we've been inseparable. We couldn't be more opposite. She has an angelic voice, while I stick to instruments since my voice definitely isn't one of them. I play sports every season, while she watches me from the sidelines. Despite our differences, we always had one thing in common and that was our love for the church. We always would write each other little notes or call each other to tell each other about a scripture we came across that was inspiring to one of us and knew the other would appreciate just as much. Thank gosh there is so much technology in the world today so that I can keep in touch with her as she heads out to BYU- Idaho as I stay here. It's a bummer that I have to stay here and save up money while going to community college, but the Lord is teaching me patience and I realize that he knows that waiting is just what I need to do.

"Great things come to those who wait." 

After a year staying here, I'll be heading out to BYU- Provo and shortly after that I'll be able to finally date an amazing guy that I would wait however long I need to, to be able to finally be with him. It's so refreshing to know how much he cares about his mission and how much he loves his mission that he wouldn't risk anything for it. I remember writing in my journal a while back all the qualities I wanted in a future husband and "his love for God and the gospel is number one in his life" was one that was nearer to the top of the list. You are so faithful to your mission and I hope you know how much I support that with my whole heart. If you are willing to wait, I'm willing to wait. I'll be right by your side every step of the way.

The road less traveled by

One of my all time favorite poems is by Robert Frost called, The Road Not Taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

My favorite sentence in that whole poem is the last three lines. That's the whole message of the poem right there! It hits home for me, it really does. I've always known that our standards stand out from the norm and I've always been, in a way, proud of that. The one thing is, I would never down my standards for anyone or anything. My standards have shaped me to be the person I am today and having that as my foundation and having the gospel as my foundation, I know everything will fall into place. I know that if I put those two things first and letting those guide me while I make decisions in life and even though some doors will close, greater doors will open.

Little reminders

I took my brother out to the movies a couple of weeks ago and when we were driving home we were stuck driving behind a short school bus. I was being impatient as I kept looking down at the speedometer thinking how much faster I would be going if I wasn’t behind the bus. It wasn’t until the bus had to make a stop, and I looked to my right and saw a mother come out of her house, with a mixture of pain and sadness in her eyes, she came up to the bus and immediately, a smile quickly washed the look before, away. Her son, probably not even 12, was in a wheelchair. As they put him on the lift that lowered him down, you could see frustration he had towards that daily routine as he put the brakes on his wheelchair and look down at his mom. I could feel that he wanted nothing more but to bounce down the steps of the bus and run into his house instead of having to have assistance getting off the bus. I couldn’t help but to start tearing up as I saw such a young child have to go through hardships most of us will never face. I looked over at my eight year old brother who was watching as intently as I was, and he said to me, “That must be so hard.” Knowing that even my eight year old brother can see how physically and mentally strong that little boy is, made me even more emotional.


Then I felt guilty for being so impatient and wanting to go faster than I was going when sometimes little reminders like this make us realize we just need to slow down and appreciate the world, our family, our friends, small moments, big moments, EVERYTHING around us. I look around and I feel like we all want the time to go by faster, when we won't get this time back. We need to take advantage of this time and live it to the fullest while improving ourselves daily.